Winnie Kuykendahl

Restaurant: Brasserie Bhuvi

Leilani: Yellow Fin Tuna Tataki Salad with Avocado, Lemongrass Creme Brulee

Jade: Grilled New Zealand Sea Bass with Black Truffle Vinaigrette, Warm Croissant Bread Pudding with Dulce de Leche Ice Cream

Winnie: Free Range Chicken with Mango Chutney, White Chocolate Truffle Cake with Passionfruit Glacee

Topic: Miscellany

Winnie is half-Vietnamese and half-Belgian. She is a stout, short woman with little feet and a bulbous nose. She has little beady eyes that she accents with thick, dark green eye-liner and mascara. Her hair nearly matches the color of corn silk with a tinge of violet. I am convinced that the woman has rosacea because her skin appears sunburned all the time. Though she buys her clothes at the nearby chichi boutiques, she somehow looks like she just came out of the neighborhood thrift shop. Yeah--the one by the liquor store. Now that may not sound very exotic but for some odd reason, men find her appealing. I don't get it. But I accept it. Maybe because in my heart of hearts, I know she's found some mojo voodoo spell that lures men into thinking that she's all that. I, on the other hand, don't need any mojo spells. Humph!

Jade and I have decided that we need to "widen our friendship circle' and invite others to lunch. So far, we haven't found anyone worthy of being a permanent third lady who can do lunch with us. Tsk tsk.

Jade starts to tell her about my gardening fiasco. A few months ago, when I was not depressed, I fancied that I could be a "gardening Martha". (Someone really should come up with a Martha Stewart doll...) Jade and I went shopping after lunch at the Bon Jour Cafe. After a quick meal of assorted crepes, we happened upon a quaint gardening shop. With great hopes and enthusiasm, I purchased a pair of bright yellow gardening clogs, a set of garden tools and a couple of trays of colorful annuals. I chattered excitedly for most of that afternoon while Jade laughed at all my clever jokes.

The next day, I donned what I deemed to be my happiest "gardening" outfit complete with dainty, flowered, cotton gloves, a matching apron and my most lusciously brimmed staw hat. I had watched a hundred gardening shows on HGTV so I was very confident that planting annuals would be a cinch. I had never before embarked on this highly domestic feat.

I was in a state of panic when Jade answered my phone call.

"Jade!" I was sobbing as I tried to control my mortification.

"What? Slow down...what's wrong? Is it Jim? The kids? What's wrong?"

I continued to sob.

"Eh....Eh...Earthworms!"

You have to understand that Jade is a kind-hearted soul. She loves animals. She is tender and sweet to her pets. She has no mean bone in her body. She loves to work in the garden. She understood immediately what had happened. She had chided me before about my inability to walk on grass barefoot because I did not want to touch "cooties" who might be living in the grass. And she knew about my aversion....no, abnormal fear of earthworms, snakes or millipedes. She had assured me that I would find no earthworms in the earth when I dig the holes. But what neither she nor I would anticipate is what laid in wait for me when I turned the little pot over to release the annuals: two, big FAT earthworms curled around the roots covered with moist soil! After a shriek of surprise and mortification, I dropped the plant and pot on my glass patio table, making a huge mess topped with the fat worms who now appeared longer and hostile to me. I gave myself up to panic. That's when I ran to the kitchen to phone Jade.

Winnie looked at me with her beady eyes now round like oversized buttons with dark green lines across the top. Then she looked at Jade.

"Did you think that was stupid?"

"Well...no. I just drove over and helped her plant her flowers."

I could tell that she was incredulous that Jade would do that for me. Winnie had always been intimidated by Jade's polished and attractive appearance. And once, she told me that I intimidated her because she found me articulate and intelligent.

"Why would you be afraid of something like that? You need to get over that."

A cold pause changed the density of the air. Winnie suddenly felt superior.

She would no longer be invited to lunch.